Cultivating Patience

Humans are not born patient. Developing this skill, which is closely related to self-control and has both a behavioral and emotional component, takes time and attention; and, it’s a skill that we can intentionally cultivate within our families. The early years abound with opportunities for practicing patience.  

Here are some ways that we can support our children as they develop patience:

• Play games that involve patience - Red Light, Green Light is often a favorite, and games like Go Fish and Chutes and Ladders are wonderful ways to teach turn-taking (a behavioral component of patience) and frustration tolerance (an emotional component of patience)

• Redirect your child’s attention while waiting - hand games like Rock Paper Scissors or mental exercises like I Spy, counting birds, finding shapes in clouds, daydreaming about your favorite place, or focusing on different surrounding sights and sounds can help to make waiting time more enjoyable 

• Model patience - narrate when you access tools that support patience, like taking deep breaths or listening to calming music

• Use visual aids - sand timers or time timers can provide a concrete way to count down the waiting, especially as time can be such an abstract concept for young children; checking off the calendar days leading up to an anticipated event (like a birthday or special trip) can also support our children in practicing patience

• Validate that waiting is hard - emotion coaching can help children feel seen, develop resilience, and strengthen relationships within families

• Acknowledge patience and show appreciation - recognize when your child has displayed patience and tell them; also consider praising their patience to other adults while your child is within earshot

Patience is a teachable skill, especially when we can show up as self-regulated teachers. Everything grows when it is blessed with our patience.