Building Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries, also known as limits or rules, broadly define how we expect our children to behave. They provide a sense of security for young people and help to foster their attached relationships with caregivers. When we have a strong set of foundational family values to rely on, we will always have a north star to guide us in settling limits and establishing boundaries within our families. It’s not our children’s job to cheerfully agree with these limits; part of our job as parents is to get comfortable dealing with big feelings from our children, and to know that it’s not our responsibility to fix those feelings. 

Tips for establishing healthy and proactive boundaries:

• Be clear about expectations, in advance when possible

• Tell, don’t ask, when your child is expected to stick to a limit or follow a rule

• Implement consequences when necessary if agreed-upon limits and rules are not followed

• Validate your child’s feelings, while reminding them that all feelings are welcome and all behaviors are not

• Use your own coping strategies to remain steady and grounded in the wake of big feelings from your child

And remember, we’re always allowed to change course and establish new boundaries and limits within our homes—especially as our children get older and as we notice new problems to solve that come up within our families.