Connection Before Correction

When our children struggle to meet behavioral expectations in any given situation, it can be easy for us to immediately swoop in and tell them how they missed the mark and what they should do differently. This can be especially true during busier or more stressful times when our patience feels more limited, and I see this in my own parenting practice. During these times, I encourage myself to connect with my son before I correct his behavior.

Connecting with our children before we correct their behavior serves as a touchpoint: to help them feel seen, to validate their feelings, and to reinforce that we’re on the same team. Connection can look different depending on the situation. It can be:

• a brief pause within which we choose how to intentionally respond rather than react

• coming to eye level with a soft gaze and a gentle touch

• making a brief sportscasting statement (“Anger took over your thinking brain.”)

Intent here is so important, as we truly want to offer a sense of safety amid turmoil. This connection point doesn’t excuse the behavior, and in fact it can make the correction that follows even more meaningful because it comes from a place of shared values and intentional skill building (“Let’s have a re-do with a softer voice.”). Correction can and should follow any behavior that has not met defined expectations for your family.

Here’s to more connection in the weeks ahead. We’re in this together.