Making Gratitude A Family Affair
It can sometimes be tempting to look around at the seemingly endless indulgences surrounding our children and wonder, “How grateful are they for all of this?” Or perhaps even, “They SHOULD be more grateful for all of this!”
While gratitude isn’t something that can be forced, its effects are powerful; not only does research show that it improves physical health and social connections, it can also act as a protective factor to bolster a sense of emotional well-being. The habit of feeling grateful is also something that grows over time with practice and repeated opportunities, and isn’t something that we’re born with. In fact, humans are predisposed to pay more attention to life’s hard parts so intentionally focusing on gratitude can help train our brains to focus on the good stuff. Gratitude is a gift that we can give ourselves and also teach our children to give themselves: one that is free of cost, and requires no prior knowledge or materials.
Start with yourself: There are many right ways to begin! Commit to thinking grateful thoughts at a specific time of day (maybe while brushing your teeth), or to genuinely thanking one person each day. A small stone in your pocket can be a tangible reminder to be on the lookout for good. What we focus on grows.
Growing gratitude by age
Early childhood: Model for your children by sharing what you’re thankful for, and by naming your child’s grateful feelings when they express delight in something.
Elementary aged: Encourage written gratitude notes (to be placed on a gratitude flower, gratitude tree, or in a gratitude jar), or naming one moment from the day that they’re thankful for.
Tweens and teens: Continue ongoing expressions of, and conversations about, gratitude, and consider choosing a local service project to contribute to regularly.
Make it a family affair: Form the habit of saying “thank you” within your family, and of naming and celebrating all of your little wins throughout the week—don’t postpone joy! Family dinners can open with a gratitude toast, and during the meal everyone can share a rose, thorn, feather, and bud from their day (good part, hard part, funny part, something that they’re looking forward to). Family meetings offer ongoing opportunities to talk about what’s going right.
Remember, our gratitude practice is one that will grow over time and there is not a single blueprint for being grateful—so we must do our best to resist any urge to judge gratitudes that are shared by our children. It’s the act of bringing awareness to gratitude, and the ongoing practice of feeling grateful, that will grow gratitude. All of the moments are cumulative.
Equally important to remember is that we don’t have to feel grateful all the time…and we won’t. We’ll have complicated feelings, and so will our children; these won’t be the times to try and force gratitude, or to shame or judge our children or ourselves for struggling to find gratitude. It is a practice.