Sowing The Seeds Of Self-Compassion

Kids, just like grownups, need the resource of self-compassion—a kind, encouraging inner voice to motivate them when things go wrong and to soothe themselves during times of distress. Just as self-criticism can become a habit, so too can a practice of self-compassion. We can support our children as they develop their kind inner voice and sense of well-being by:

• Being the voice that we want them to hear in their head

The way we talk to our kids influences how they will talk to themselves. When children experience empathy, over time this external support can translate to an inner voice of self-compassion.

• Focusing on progress in the present moment

When our children are distressed, we can offer a validating presence. And, there will naturally be times when the voice that we present is not the one that we want our children to internalize—what then? We can give ourselves the gift of grace and compassion, because being hard on ourselves when we wobble can be just as counterproductive as being hard on our children.

• Providing a model of self-compassion

Sometimes as parents, we think that we’re supposed to project an aura of having it all together. However, if kids are always insulated from adult struggles then they aren't being equipped with the necessary skills to cope with their own imperfections. Consider narrating when you’re having a hard day, normalizing that everyone falls short from time to time, and modeling tools that build resilience.

It’s a practice, for all of us, and we’re in it together.