Gratitude For Our Tweens And Teens
When we get absorbed in the daily agenda of parenting obligations, it can sometimes feel like the entirety of our energy and focus is spent completing the tasks on our to-do list. But when I intentionally pause to reflect on the essence of what matters most in my role as a parent, and when I create the space to be fully present and in the moment with my boy, I know that what truly matters is his deep knowing that he is appreciated and celebrated exactly as he is; that he is seen not for his current challenges, but celebrated for his growth and striving as he works to navigate his place within the ever-shifting academic, emotional, and social landscapes of adolescence.
Our children, teens and tweens especially, crave to be seen—not for the areas in which they wobble (and there can be many, from sloppy rooms to persistent eye rolls and exasperated sighs), but for their beautiful gifts, uniqueness, and strong character traits that they bring to this world. Our children need to know how much they matter to us. Here are some ideas for sharing our adoration with them:
Love flooding – This gorgeous strategy, recommended by Susan Stiffelman, asks us to write a list of ten things that we love and appreciate about our child; this list should be based on who they are and how they show up in the world, and not on any particular achievements. In a quiet moment, invite your child to be together with you and read the list to them.
Gratitude notes – Write these affirmations in advance and tape them, perhaps one each morning for a month, to your child’s bedroom door or mirror. Examples can include: I adore your smile, You have a fabulous sense of humor, I savor your company, You have helpful ideas.
Five fingers – Take your child’s hand and give it five squeezes or touch the tip of each of their fingers in turn. With each squeeze or touch, share something that you love and appreciate about them. Again, these affirmations should be based on who they are as opposed to things that they’ve achieved.
As we parent our tweens and teens let’s focus as much as possible on shifting our perspective to all of their goodness, because what we focus on and feed with our validation and love will grow. Gratitude can shift everything.