Supporting Perspective Taking

Theory of mind can be described as the ability to imagine what another person is thinking or feeling; the ability to take someone else’s perspective. This important skill is the foundation for building empathy.

Developing perspective taking skills can be complicated, especially for our children. It requires them to have an understanding of their own thoughts and feelings, then to imagine the thoughts and feelings of someone else, and also to recognize that these aren’t always in alignment. Fortunately, we can support the skill of perspective taking in our children at any age:

Engage in pretend play and role playing. Imagining ourselves walking in someone else’s shoes can help to build the skill of perspective taking. When we think, act, and speak as if embodying another person’s role and responsibilities, we can better imagine what it would feel like to be in a different circumstance.

Identify feelings and emotions. Label them in yourself and others, talk about how to recognize them, and discuss the thoughts and intentions of different characters in stories. Marc Brackett’s Mood Meter can be an excellent tool to use, particularly with older children.

Be explicit when solving problems and resolving conflicts. We can talk with our children about what might have motivated another person to behave a certain way, and that different people may have different interpretations of the same situation. Within these conversations, we can lead with respect and also emphasize that we value our children’s opinion.

Experience different cultures and traditions. The more we can lean in with curiosity about other people and places, the better we can come to appreciate all of the layers inherent in the full human experience. It’s never too early to model for our children that we, as parents, are keen to grow in our understanding of the world. There is always more to learn.

Normalize mistakes as integral to the learning process. We lead by example when we’re open to correcting our own false assumptions, when we emphasize how much there is to learn and discover in the world, and when we acknowledge our own mistakes.

As we strive to grow empathy within our own families, we can take intentional steps to build the skill of perspective taking in order to support the process.